|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
A D i c k ' s L i f e
Miserable Dick
When the guy is extremely handsome
He says the right things and does the right things
When it comes to sex, he is lacking in this department
He sucks your tits too hard
Kisses your mouth too long
Stays around your neck forever
Fingers you like a GYN Doctor
Licks your pussy like he's in a track meet
And has a very small dick
You try to give him head, only to find that you are actually sucking a pacifier
Tolerable Dick
This is a funny dick
He eats major pussy
He eats it so good, your knees feel a little weak
It was good enough to make you shed a tear
Then he puts his dick in, just for you to realize that you cannot really feel it!!
His stroke is UN-timely and non-rhythmic
You hold your pelvis real tight and try to visualize the last
big dick you had to get your mind off this less filling dick
The man will say, that we just have big pussies from having
too much sex and that is why we cannot feel him
Only for them to forget that the pussy is a muscle that
accommodates the size of the penis
Internet Dick
Well, how would we define this type of dick?
You see, online they talk a damn good game,
but you never know what to expect in person
Then you meet and you fuck and the dick is trash
Pissed Off Dick
The guy you're sleeping with punishes your pussy.
If he has a bad day at work he "punishes your pussy".
If he has a bad meal, "he punishes your pussy".
If he is pissed off at you, he punishes your pussy."
No matter what, he "punishes your pussy".
It is easy to tell if the guy you're with falls into this category.
He always uses phrases like these when he is fucking you ~
"DON'T RUN FROM THIS DICK", "AIN'T THIS SOME GOOD DICK?"
"TELL ME YOU LIKE THIS DICK", "WHAT'S MY NAME?",
"WHO'S PUSSY IS THIS?", "I DON'T HEAR YOU TALKIN' SHIT NOW", "YOU LIKE IT WHEN I GET IN THIS PUSSY DON'T YA?".
Guilty Dick
The dick you're getting from someone who is not your man.
Ladies, this is the type of dick that makes you cry and
confess to your man you fucked someone else.
The guilty dick made you want to tell somebody.
Guilty dick is in a class of its own.
Guilty dick will make you look and feel different about the dick you got at home.
Guilty dick makes you have multiple orgasms.
Makes you cry and you have no clue to why.
This dick is so intense, when it is being administered it sends you into a trance.
He has a slow, long stroke, sweats on you, asks you if your comfortable about six times,
you started at 6PM and it is now going on 9PM and he is not tired and hasn't cum yet.
The lips on your pussy are so swollen that if you got
outta bed they would be draggin' the ground.
It hurt so good. He licks on your pussy as if he was
a baby cat licking warm milk, he savors it like you're the main course meal.
He smells it like fine wine.
By now you're in shock and forget about your man.
He has at least two inches more than your man.
When you're back with your man, you're wondering why he can't perform like guilty dick.
You even have the nerve to get mad and then instruct him to do what guilty dick did to you.
Pleasurable Dick
This is good convenient dick.
Easy dick.
Dick you can call when your body needs a fix.
He gives you major head like GUILTY DICK, and fucks you like GUILTY DICK.
Only thing is, you do not have a man so you're not feeling guilty.
Whenever you call, this dick is ready.
His dick craves your pussy.
This dick is available in any place at anytime.
GawdDamn Dick
Ladies, now this is dick that will definitely send you to hell if you're not married to it.
His dick is anywhere from 9.5 to 11 inches long and has the circumference of a half dollar.
This dick makes you numb, cry and pray all at the same time.
While he is getting it doggy style, you look towards the heavens and say,
"GAWDDAMN THIS IS SOME GOOD DICK".
Commitment Dick
This is the gold mine dick.
This dick is the dick that you commit yourself too.
You do not cheat on it and you keep it a well kept secret.
In fact, you constantly crave and feign for it.
When you get this dick, you go through convulsions.
This is the dick that makes you ever ready.
You call in sick from work for it.
This is the dick that you want to put insurance on,
just in case anything should happen to it.
This dick makes you stutter while speaking and has you nervous for no reason.
You lay back afterwards thinking
"THIS IS HOMEWRECKIN', GOTTA TELL MY MAMA,
GOTTA TELLS SOMEBODY ... ANYBODY! DICK"
|
|
|
|
|
|
A gorgeous redhead
A man is on a trip alone and dining in a fancy restaurant and there's a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He's been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his, She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap. They had fantastic sex and he stayed for breakfast. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you meet?" "No," she replies. . . Wait for it. . .. It's coming. . . The suspense is killing you, isn't it? She says... "You just happened to catch my eye." (Oh shut up, and just forward it!)
| |
|
|
|
|