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One Liners and Q & A
Some people can forgive anything in a friend, except success.
The English teacher of the girls school used to fail all her students who did not put a full-stop at the end of their sentences. I guess, she really hated it when her girls missed their periods.
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS! Except that one where you're naked in church.
Short guys are always saying stupid things to me because I'm so tall. One guy asked, "Do you play basketball?" I said, "No, do you play miniature golf?"
A clear conscience is indicative of a faulty memory.
The meek shall inherit the earth .. if it's okay with the rest of you.
Snowboarding is an activity that is popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.
What's the definition of a male chauvinist pig?
A man who hates every bone in a woman's body, except his own.
Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
What do blondes and the Bermuda triangle have in common?
They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? It's not hard.
Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
She is the one who can eat the last donut!
What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom?
A pick pocket snatches watches
A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job. "We don't need any one," they replied.
"You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anytime any thing."
"We have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job."
He was gone for about two hours and returned and handed them two checks, one for a $80,000 policy and another for a $50,000 policy. "How in the world did you do that," they asked.
"I told you I'm the world's best salesman, I can sell anyone anywhere anytime."
"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.
"Why's that?" he asked.
"Well, if you sell a policy over $40,000 the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."
He was gone for about eight hours and then he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine and sets them on the desk and says, "Here's Mr. Brown's and this one is Mr. Smith's."
"That's good," they said, "but what's in those two buckets?"
"Well, I passed by the school house and they were having a state teachers convention and I sold them a group policy!"
Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives. After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role playing.
The following week they met up again to compare notes: Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, 'Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!
The engaged woman giggled and said, 'That's pretty much my story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only made love all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!
The married woman put her glass down and said, 'I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, hegrabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?'
This guy was deer hunting in North Carolina . He shoots a deer, and as he is dragging it back to his truck, he gets stopped by this redneck Game Warden who asks to see his hunting license. The hunter shows him the license, and is about to leave when the Game Warden says "Not so fast, Boy. I need to inspect the deer."
The Game Warden then reaches down, sticks his finger up the deer's butt, pulls it out then sniffs his finger. The Game Warden gets angry then says, "Wait a minute Boy! This here ain't no North Carolina deer; this here is a Virginia deer! You need to have a Virginia Hunting License to hunt this deer. You got a Virginia Hunting License on you Boy?"
Well, it just so happens that the guy had been hunting in Virginia the week before. He goes back into his wallet and pulls out a Virginia Hunting License. The Game Warden looks at the valid license and disappointingly says, "Well OK, I guess I'll have to let you go. I really do enjoy writing up Boys like you who hunt deer without a license, but you look like you got everything in order. So go on; get out of here."
The following week, the guy is hunting again. He shoots another deer and as he is dragging it back to his truck, he gets stopped by the same Game Warden who says "Just a minute Boy. I need to inspect the deer." He reaches down, sticks his finger up the deer's butt, pulls it out, sniffs his finger and says "Boy! This here is a South Carolina deer! You got a South Carolina Hunting License?" The Hunter, somewhat surprised, said that he had one in the truck. He goes and gets it out of the glove box, shows it to the Game Warden, who again has to let him go.
So this goes on for the next three weeks. Each week the hunter shoots a deer; one from Georgia , Tennessee , and West Virginia . Each time the Game Warden stops to do the Finger Test, and each time the hunter is able to produce the correct license.
Finally, after the West Virginia deer, the Game Warden is furious: "Boy! You got a hunting license from every state in the south! Where the hell are you from, anyway?"
The hunter drops his pants, bends over and says "You Tell Me!"
One day Little Johnny went walking around to check out his surroundings and found a farmer selling chickens. Little Johnny went over to the farmer to see how much he was selling them for.
The farmer asked him if he wanted a male or a female. Little Johnny asked for both. So the farmer said, "Here you go, one cock and one pullet."
Little Johnny got confused, and asked him what he meant. The farmer said, "A cock is a male chicken and a pullet is a female chicken."
Little Johnny said, "Oh," and went on his way with two chickens one under each arm. A bit further down the road he saw a donkey for sale.
He went to the man who was selling it to find out how much it was. The man said, "The ass is 15 dollars."
Little Johnny replied, "No, I want the donkey out side in your yard."
The man just said, "That's an ass."
Little Johnny, new to these terms, just said, "Oh," and bought the donkey.
As he was leaving the man yelled out, "Wait, the ass gets a bit stubborn about going over hills, so you have to scratch him behind the ears to get him going again."
So Little Johnny is going back home and the donkey stops dead in its tracks and he can't get it to move. He can't scratch its ear because he would have to drop one of the chickens and it would run away.
So Little Johnny starts to fuss and yell at the donkey. While he is doing this a beautiful woman walks up and asks him if he needs help.
(Little Johnny thinks, hey, why don't I try to impress this beautiful woman by using my new terms that I learned today.)
So Little Johnny turns to the woman and says, "Yeah, could you hold my cock and pullet while I scratch my ass?"
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| For all of you who feel
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| Crea
il tuo sito in ASP! |
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Inviare immagini con la funzione di riduzione
La risposta sul sito Microsoft. Basta eseguire la seguente procedura: "fare clic su Start, scegliere Esegui, quindi digitare REGSVR32 SHIMGVW.DLL (attenzione allo spazio tra il numero 2 e la lettera S). Fare clic su OK. Dovrebbe essere visualizzata una finestra di dialogo con il seguente messaggio: "DllRegisterServer in SHIMGVW.DLL riuscito"". Ora finalmente funziona |
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Gl Rena Mustafayeva Abramian Kazzimova Karimova Rottankulova
Gherzenovna
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In our groups
(japanese, chinese, korean, etc):
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| Things
You Don't Say To Your Wife |
Famous
People Painting
Discussing the Divine Comedy with Dante
Painting with Wikipedia Links & Mouse Over Tagging
Chinese Artists Dai Dudu, Li Tiezi, and Zhang An, 2006,
oil on canvas
Check out this painting with lot's of famous people on it. It is pretty wide, so you may have to scroll right to see the rest of it. Hold your cursor over the different heads, and it will show their name. Left click on the head and a pop up will show and tell you a little about them. |
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Il
4 agosto è il No Megan day
**Free medical coverage, coming soon
"GIRLS"How To Interpret Your Own Personal
Smiley (pic)
Scirentology
Twin turbo
Cristina Del Basso: "Dopo il calendario non posso
più uscire di casa!"
Gli Illuminati si incontrano questa settimana
Funny pictures
Wild Rides!!!!!!!!
WinZip 12.4 pro
THE AFRICAN WONDER BRA
World's Largest Spitting Cobra
Bathing suit contest, 1922
How to Unfold the Flag
Proíbida para cardíacos
Click here to see beautiful pictures from Rome
Beautiful Photos Collection
Yes, I know you're smiling.............
LIFE IS
Rassegna Stampa del 30/07/2009
You might not know who Elisabetta Gregoraci is, but
it’s not hard to see by what’s written on her
bikini, that she’s a money hungry whore.
FOR
A PEARLY WHITE SMILE
MANLY BBQ
Realistic Commercial Most of you will never see...
Democrazia: capovolgere prima dell'uso
Belin nemmeno piu’ la pizza si puo’ mangiare sereni!
Animated Photos
Cool monkeys
Visions Italy - The Grand Canal of Venice, Italy The
Dolomites, Alps, Italy Lake Garda, Malcesine, Italy
Dining Alfresco, Venice, Italy Colors of Venice, Italy
Castel Sant'Angelo and Bridge, Rome, Italy Burano,
Venice, Italy Bergamo, Lombardy, Italy
[MOVIE] Top Gun (1986) DvdRip
Convert it to an ISO image file, then burn it. Or, buy a
new DVD player. They all play CDR any more.
Funnies
Tuesday's Bitch Humor
JOE - MY innocence Thunderbeat - One heart - Native
American music
Ashampoo Burning Studio 2009
WHITE HOUSE CONTROLS GOOGLE ,YAHOO, ETC.
I JUST TESTED IT
We Stare Because We Care
HIROSHIMA 64 YEARS LATER
Cosa c'è di strano?? Guardate lo specchio sulla
sinistra
«Niente più cittadinanza con le nozze»
Chi non beve con me.
MIDI
& KARAOKE
Chinese Zodiac 2009... |
Here's a warning:
Once you watch this 3 minute movie, it'll be hard to
forget! Don't forget to pay it forward........
Just click on this link to watch. Click
Here. |
| 48th
Paris Air Show Le Bourget France |
| Mercedes
190 E |
| OOOOOhhhhhh....Amazing...
:)) | |
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MATCHSTICK ART!
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