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THE
NEW GM (GOVERNMENT MOTORS) CAR
In a special news conference yesterday, Government
Motors announced its new concept car... The new GM (Government
Motors) proudly introduces the 2010 Obama...
This car runs on hot air and broken promises. It has
three wheels that speed the vehicle through tight left
turns. It comes complete with two Teleprompters
programmed to help the occupants talk their way out of
any violations. The transparent canopy reveals the
plastic smiles still on the faces of all the
"happy" Democrat owners. | |
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To all my Sisters! LOL
Alright ladies, it's that time of year once again!!! I think we need to be reminded of a few things.
So my sisters, PLEASE, raise your big toes and repeat after me below....
The Open Toed Shoe Pledge
As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules
when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoe s:
I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over
and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.
I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free.
I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.
I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.
I will shave the hairs off my big toe.
I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker,
mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.
If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into
place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.
I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr.
Scholl's if my feet need him.
I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low
price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.
I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell
and begin to look like Vienna sausages.
I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she
asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.
I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.
I will promise to go to my local nail salon at least once per season and
have a real pedicure (they are about $35 and worth EVERY penny).
I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear... nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.
Don't keep this to yourself - pass it on to other sisters.
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TICK WARNING!
I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, but this one is real, and it's important.
Please send this warning to everyone on your e- mail list.
If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to the warm weather and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up,
DO NOT DO IT!! THIS IS A SCAM!!
They only want to see you naked.
I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid!!
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