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Watch the martial arts moves in the old Kung Fu episodes. P.U.
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PUNS OF THE DAY 06-24-09

*** I will be taking a vacation from June 26 thru July 2. ***
*** Puns of the Day will not be posted between those dates. ***

PUNS

When the man asked for her solution,
Hangman's mom said with elocution,
"Doesn't matter, my dear,
What you choose as career.
It is all in the execution."
(Kirk Miller)

Incest is wrong, relatively speaking.

A physics professor at a state university in Michigan was famous for 
his animated lectures. He was short and thin, with wild white hair and 
an excited expression. In lecture he would throw himself from the top 
of desks and throw frisbees to students in the back row to illustrate 
various principles. One day in class he was spinning on an office 
chair, holding weights in each hand, when he lost his balance and 
tumbled into the first row. He apologized to his class for going off 
on a tangent.

As they say at the Planned Parenthood Clinic, better late than never.

In a city in Eastern Spain, there was a movie theater. The builders of 
the theater only built a single emergency exit door, rather than the 
two required by law. Sure enough there was a fire and several people 
were trampled to death. The moral: Don't put all your Basques in one 
exit.

A will is a dead giveaway.

OTHER HUMOR

Sign in  a travel agency window:  Please go away. (Jeremy E. Alperin)

When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is 
dropped, it always lands buttered side down. It was proposed to strap 
giant slabs of hot buttered toast to the backs of a hundred tethered 
cats; the two opposing forces will cause the cats to hover, spinning 
inches above the ground. Using the giant buttered toast/cat array, a 
high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.

Handkerchief: Cold Storage.

The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a 
figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in 
close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to 
spin dangerously fast.

In a New York restaurant: "Customers who find our waitresses rude 
ought to see the manager."

"To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am. (Bernard 
Baruch)

An intrepid photographer went to a haunted castle determined to get a 
picture of a ghost which was said to appear only once in a hundred 
years. Not wanting to frighten off the ghost, the photographer sat in 
the dark until midnight when the apparition became visible. The ghost 
turned out to be friendly and consented to pose for one snapshot. The 
happy photographer popped a bulb into his camera and took the picture. 
After dashing into his studio, the photographer developed the negative 
and groaned. It was underexposed and completely blank. The spirit was 
willing, but the flash was weak

In the window of an Oregon general store: "Why go elsewhere to be 
cheated when you can come here?"

A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells 
you the time.

A Shipwrecked sailor was captured by cannibals. Each day the natives 
would cut his arm with a dagger and drink his blood. Finally, he 
called the king. "You can kill me and eat me if you want.," he said. 
"But I'm sick and tired of getting stuck every day for the drinks."

Somersault: Some of these bagels are onion, SOMERSAULT.

 


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